Empathy First, Action Second
I had the wonderful opportunity of providing a "Mission Moment" at Church of the Dunes recently. I really do love being invited to churches to let people know about our work and to spend time with people who embrace the teachings and example of Jesus.
I was reminded of one of those teachings at Church of the Dunes, and it couldn't have come at a better time. "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." To me, those sentiments perfectly reflect the goal and the art of seeking empathy first.
The challenge empathy presents us with is to see the person who opposes us as a person. To know that they are a product of a life we don't know anything about. This approach to being attacked might disarm the attacker (people are used to anger being met with anger not with attempts to understand and to empathize) but that isn't even really the goal.
The Dali Lama says that "when you recognize that all beings are equal in both their desire for happiness and their right to obtain it, you automatically feel empathy and closeness for them." Empathy offers an opportunity for growth - for both of us. Walking around with anger and hate, seething about my mistreatment, doesn't do much for me internally. Empathy allows the door to understanding to remain open, it softens my heart and my resistance, it helps strengthen my own sense of well being.
Last week was a rough. It started with a Board of Commission meeting and a couple of random attacks on the Momentum Center restating falsehoods I have corrected in the past. It took sitting through the three hour meeting to get to the second public comment period before I could speak to correct and inform those who wanted to hear what the Momentum Center does, why, and how it impacts this community.
I left that meeting to find my Facebook feed full of responses to an attack on Grand Haven Informed. I responded with truth and facts and took great comfort in the huge outpouring of testimonials to our work offered by others who read the post. My heart was soothed by the support of the many people who understand our work and love us for it.
Right now, a lot of us are struggling as we feel our highest values being challenged and attacked. It can be tempting to rage and attack back, severing ties not only to random strangers, but to friends and family, even wishing for ill will to befall others. It can also be tempting to shut it all out, to ignore it, to remain ignorant and silent about the maelstrom around us.
But neither of those options will produce the results we seek. If we can continue to believe that those who seek to oppose us are still people, if we can find it within ourselves to recognize and hold the brokenness of this world and those who live in it, then we discover the opportunity to shake it off, to stand up tall, and to speak the truth. To do our best to educate. To correct. To inform. Empathy allows us to keep the door open.
And that really is good for us. In her Tedx Talk, Dr. Anita Nowak claims Empathy is our Superpower! and she explains how important empathy is for our own mental wellbeing. She also explains how using the Inner Development Goals (IDGs) framework can help us elevate our empathic consciousness.
Empathy is not about giving anyone a pass to do anything they want to do. It is about bringing a heart and a mind that recognizes beliefs are formed by circumstances that are different than mine. And in that knowing is the awareness that I can offer an alternative.
I can be the voice that speaks calmly to my neighbor. I can be the voice that speaks loudly at the rally. I can be the voice that speaks with confidence to my elected officials. And I can be the voice that is fully engaged in protecting the marginalized and a powerful force for seeking care and compassion for all.
Namaste,
Barbara Lee VanHorssen
Experi-Mentor
Barbara@MomentumCenterGH.org
